Why?
Because sex addiction blinds you. You willingly close your eyes to a brewing storm of consequence and emotional pain.
Your sexual cravings are the only truth that counts, and you deny the depth and harm of it all.
The fact is your sexual addiction requires you to take specific action– difficult, but necessary action–to help you see and admit how destructive your behavior has become.
Dealing with denial is the first step to winning the addiction fight.
You don’t have to give in to the lies you’ve been telling yourself. You don’t have to let hyper-sexuality ruin everything. You can overcome the denial that is systematically dismantling your family, relationships, career, and health.
Take therapeutic steps, and the help available to you, to recognize truth of your choices. Open your eyes, face the truth, and return your focus to a richer, more meaningful life.
Robert Weiss, LCSW, CSAT-S, a sexual addiction expert, author, and founder of the Sexual Recovery Institute, notes in his book Relationships and Always Turned On: Sex Addiction in the Digital Age that sexual addicts wrestle with denial in several key ways before beginning recovery.
The following measures are particularly helpful:
1. Break sexual patterns.
To even begin to gain perspective, you must sever your connections to detrimental sexual activity. Your denial will dig in hits heels, until you either willingly put yourself in a position to disclose your behavior, or your life falls apart because of it.
2. Break down the rhetoric.
Learn to hear yourself. The sound of denial is tricky. To recognize it, consider the following forms of denial. Are any of them familiar?
– “It’s no big deal. Everyone is into this stuff. I can handle it.” Do you minimize your sexual activity?
– “I work hard to meet everyone else’s needs. I deserve some pleasure.” Do you feel entitled to act out sexually?
– “Internet hookups are better than bar hookups. No attachments, no problem.” Do you justify your risky behavior?
– “My partner is boring in bed. I need to spice it up with someone who gets it.” Do you blame loved ones or life situations for fueling your addiction?
– “My private online time is nothing compared to the flings and porn my friends are into.” Do you rationalize your sexual secrecy?
Write down your reasons. Writing is effective for processing your explanations. Why do you think certain sexual activity is acceptable? Does it make sense on paper?
Once it is all laid out in black and white, you may discover that the harm related to your thinking and behavior is tough to deny.
3. Break down isolation.
Group therapy allows other addicts to help you confront your tendency to dismiss your behavior. People who struggle, the way you struggle, can uniquely seek out the ideas and justifications that keep you susceptible to your compulsions.
Your internal deceptions are clear to those who’ve been there. They can constructively confront you, and empathetically support you.
One-on-one work with a specially trained sex addiction therapist provides specialized help for tackling denial. In an intensive out or inpatient program, you can do some serious work, and face denial and related issues uninterrupted.
Denial keeps you stuck, and those you love defenseless. It is the blindfold of shame and mental dishonesty that keeps you from seeing the big picture.
By breaking the sexual patterns, internal lies, and lack of accountability, denial can be overcome and a firmer sexual foundation ensured.
