Admit it, your teenager is online right now, isn’t he? If he’s awake and not in a class, he’s probably watching television, checking in with friends on Facebook, tweeting how lame it is that you’re looking at him suspiciously, talking to a prospective date, or playing a savage game of World of Warcraft. Or all of the above at once.
Today’s teens are called “digital natives,” an ominous title that means they have never lived without the Internet. Never before have they had so many outlets (and inlets) for digital information. Five years ago, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, kids 8 to 10 spent nearly eight hours a day using electronic media; teens spent 11 hours a day. Researchers were puzzled how they managed to cram so much exposure into a day that’s also filled with school, sleep, meals, and the occasional face-to-face conversation. They realized teens are multitasking to increase their exposure – talking on the phone while surfing the web, tweeting about their skill as they play an online game.
1. Lead by example. Just how much time to you spend online? Teens have unfailing radar for hypocrisy. If your teen is spending too much time surfing, tweeting, posting, or watching, you can’t do the same thing and expect to get him to change. By cutting back, you may find yourself actually enjoying the same benefits you hope for your child.
2. Set a limit. You are still the boss and you get to – you need to – set the rules for your child. Don’t expect happy compliance. Expect whining, argument, slammed doors, and resounding silence. Stick to it. What should the rules be? Pediatricians recommend no electronics in your child’s bedroom and a limit of two hours a day of online activities. Right. Ask your child to make a case for what she feels is a fair limit; she may surprise you with a reasonable response and she’ll feel more mature for having been asked.
3. Do good together. One way to get your teen away from one screen or another is to get him involved in a volunteer activity. It’s even better if its something you can do together. Volunteering can help your child learn about how others experience the world and what’s really important in their lives. It feels great to accomplish something that helps others or the world.
4. Encourage new interests. Exercise is particularly important, considering how sedentary our lives have become. Young bodies are meant to be moving, a lot. Your teen will be happier (endorphins are a great mood booster) and will sleep better if she’s spent a couple of hours chasing a soccer ball or hitting a tennis ball, stroking through a pool or dancing or running or smacking a volleyball or any of a countless number of possibilities. It doesn’t have to be sports. Theater or an art class, a debate club, mentoring a foreign student – just about any new activity holds the promise of new friends and a wider horizon than a 17-inch screen.
5. Talk, talk, talk. No, not lecture about the evils of Facebook or the foolishness of tweeting. Talk to your teen about life, yours and his, about the state of the world, about what to do on your family vacation, about just about any subject. Diving obsessively into electronic media may be a sign that your child is depressed or anxious, that he is abusing drugs or spending time with a dangerous group of friends. Regular, non-lecturing conversation will encourage him to open up to you about what’s on his mind. If you feel overwhelmed by your teen’s love of all things electronic, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist who specializes in electronic addiction. If your teen is reluctant to participate, you can benefit from some expert advice and support for your efforts.
