There are wounds on both sides. Now, you’re supposed to expose them.
That can be a formidable obstacle for both the addict and the partner. It’s no small step.
But formal disclosure can also be the greatest moment of cleansing. The moment when all secrets are discarded and only truth is left. The beginning of a new start.
Are you worried about a formal disclosure?
Have you perhaps avoided it to protect yourself from more pain?
Would it surprise you to hear that by failing to talk about it all you’ve been endangering your relationship even more?
Yes. Formal disclosure is actually a protection.
How can that be?
Formal Disclosure Can Protect Your Relationship
Of course, we’re not talking about protecting your relationship as it is right now. We’re talking about the relationship that you want to rebuild. A completely new and healthy relationship!
For this new relationship to be solid, it has to be built on a stable foundation. Truth.
A formal disclosure functions as the cornerstone of that rebuilding effort. It allows the healing to start for the addict, the partner, and their relationship.
In what ways does it provide protection for your new relationship?
1. It eliminates secrecy
Trust is built on honesty. The disclosure provides the setting to eliminate all secrets that could endanger the rebuilding of your relationship. If it is not complete, the secrets kept eventually come out. This destroys any trust you’ve built. You’ll have to start all over again, which may be harder than the first time around. So, if you want to preserve the chance for building a new and healthy relationship, there can’t be any secrets.
2. It allows the faithful partner to make informed decisions
Disclosure needs to be planned carefully. It must provide exactly the information the partner of the addict needs to make wise decisions about the future of the relationship. Though, knowing every little ghastly detail is not in your best interest. Resulting emotions can overwhelm and distract you from making objective choices. That’s why formal disclosure is also made in the presence of your therapists. You will need that support to sift through your feelings and focus on the facts.
3. It helps the innocent partner feel grounded
It’s hard to commit to rebuilding a relationship with someone who hurt you so deeply. It’s as if the ground is swaying beneath you. For the partner of a sex addict to feel compelled to try again, stability is a must. A formal disclosure will help you to see the baseline of the addict’s behavior. How far they had fallen.
While that can be very painful, it also brings clarity and validation. Sex addicts often manipulate their partners into thinking their suspicions are crazy. Disclosure helps make sense of the past and clarifies the reality. It empowers you and makes you a more solid individual. One that can truly move forward with rebuilding.
4. It calls on the addict to take responsibility
Formal disclosure gives the sex addict a chance to wipe the slate clean. That is a critical part of healing. Though, it’s not done to simply relieve you of the burden of secrets. It’s meant to help get to the bottom of your behavior.
The real relief comes from ending your denial and opening the way for recovery. No more denying what you’ve done and who you’ve done it with. No more closing your eyes to how you manipulated and used your partner.
In addition, to prevent any future violations of trust and safeguard the relationship you’re rebuilding, you must become aware of how you got where you’ve been in the first place and take responsibility. No seed, no matter how small, of your former behavior and thought process can be left dormant within you.
5. It requires making a commitment
Something was sorely lacking in your previous relationship. To assure that your new relationship is healthy, you must commit to the recovery process. After all the stripping down and baring, it’s time to come up with strategies for building anew. Formal disclosure helps map out a recovery plan to keep you both on track toward reconstruction, one honest moment at a time.
Understand, going through a formal disclosure won’t be easy, but it is a significant step toward healing. When you focus on protecting the relationship you want to rebuild instead of dwelling on the pain of its collapse, you’ve reached a new beginning.
