Addiction can cause you to look at another human being and see very little, feel nothing much, and hear only the nagging whine of your own need.

That need has no empathy.

Addiction wants to drag you down to that lonely, selfish place forever. And it does a heartbreakingly good job of destroying your life and relationships along the way.

So, when you decide to recover, you must also recover a deeper emotional connection to those around you. If you don’t, you will not have recovered all that addiction has stolen.

Empathy is that ability to identify with others and truly relate to their experience. Your people: your parents, or partner, or children, or friends, need you to relate to them. Seek out the help and guidance of your therapist to help you develop the ability to care again.

Here are 5 ways to replace addiction related self-absorption with more awareness and sensitivity:

1. Meditation techniques:

According to research during the last decade, meditation activates the “empathy” region of the brain, also known as the anterior insular cortex.  By practicing some form of inner awareness activity, like mindfulness or loving-kindness meditation, the nervous system is calmed and a sense of love, oneness, and deeper understanding are brought to the surface.

2. Empathetic Listening:

Addiction turns the volume up on your own thoughts and feelings. Learning to  listen deeply and hear the entire message being communicated is key for dialing back your needs and tuning into others.

Empathetic Listening is an effective practice that helps you reduce disruptive, defensive, or assaultive communication in the following ways:

  • Prioritizing undivided attention is key.
  • The tendency to minimize or trivialize someone else’s perspective is recognized and judgmental behavior is consciously discarded.
  • Better observation of other’s emotions and appropriate responses underscore healthier communication.
  • It becomes okay to be quiet rather than defensive. Respect and trust grow from there.
  • More understanding occurs as clarity results from the ability to ask questions and fully listen to answers.

3. Employ “empathy without agreement” techniques

With the aid of your therapist, run through a variety of viewpoints and situations that you may or may not agree with. Perhaps you don’t feel like your recovery suffers due to certain relationships or activities, but your spouse disagrees. Empathy without agreement teaches you to be less reactionary and bent on determining who’s right. Instead, focus more on retaining open lines of communication. Interaction is then more bridge-building and other-focused. It is also more trustworthy and safe for the person trying to connect with you.

4. Compassionate action.

The idea is to get better at transforming your emotions into a true understanding of other people’s experiences. Then, that understanding becomes concrete, caring personal action. Essentially, fostering feelings of warmth and connection helps instill a stronger motivation to help other people.

Working with a treatment program or counselor, you might benefit from committing to completion of at least one compassionate act daily. Continue to do so, until caring action becomes automatic.

5. Generosity.

Giving, charity and self-sacrifice are not priorities for someone in the throes of addiction. But as you recover, embrace these qualities to see your relationships bloom. Empathy is at the core of them.

Make a point of giving time or resources for a cause greater than yourself. Think about how to alleviate suffering and discomfort in meaningful ways. In time, empathy will deepen and become less external action and more integral to who you are.

If you want to care more and show it, empathy must become a part of you again. Don’t give up on yourself.

Restoring empathy means retraining your brain and responses so that your best life and the people in it are priorities again. It can happen in time.

With help and determination, you can rebuild the empathetic inner emotional and intellectual cornerstone that will help support the strong character, loving relationships, and full recovery you long for.