Big enough to drive a permanent wedge between you and your partner.
Big enough to do lasting emotional damage if you don’t make serious efforts to turn things around.
Once it’s out in the open, there will be hurt. Anger.
There will be questions. Fears.
Early on, you’ll probably ask yourselves, and maybe each other,
“Is it over?”
Recovery may seem impossible.
But, as reality and acceptance set in, you might wonder something else,
“Can we recover?”
Is there any way to salvage all the time, effort, and trust you poured into your relationship?
Or has too much happened to ever make your relationship whole again?
There is hope, and love, after disclosure.
It will be difficult.
But it can be done. You can recover.
Consider the following signs of couples that are prepared to successfully survive sex addiction:
You are willing to handle individual issues first and work hard at resolutions.
Sex addiction is rarely a problem of the marriage or current relationship.
Something hurtful, or harmful happened deeper in the past.
The sex-addict’s work will be located there.
A sex addict’s partner also has his or her own work to do. He or she may need to separate to let the process happen and focus on him or herself.
It is important that his or her internal pain, grief, and anger be dealt with individually and fully.
If you and your partner are individually willing to identify and tackle your personal issues, you’ll jumpstart your recovery productively.
Take time to do the work, invest in therapy, and build healthy, strong minds for the relationship recovery mission ahead.
You value and employ a wealth of support in various forms.
You and your partner cannot afford to go it alone.
You need people to talk to. Programs to encourage you. Couples who have been there.
Look for 12 step meetings to attend like Recovering Couples Anonymous.
Reach out to a qualified counselor in your area to help add couples counseling to your separate sessions.
It may seem like overkill, but the pressures, realizations, and emotions in the first stages of recovery will be intense.
To recover well with the tools for a firm foundation, it’s imperative that you seek all the help you can get.
You are willing to make significant changes and grow (even when it hurts).
Recovering from sex addiction means you must evolve.
Recovery entails releasing unproductive, harmful relationship behaviors.
You and your relationship will benefit from an increased focus on embracing new ways of relating to each other, expressing emotions, and coping with discomfort.
Your willingness doesn’t mean you won’t be angry or endure some pain. It simply means you can recover because you accept the challenge of rebuilding through the difficulties and sacrifices.
You have developed a healthy respect for each other and your future together.
Your old relationship was clouded by dishonesty, infidelity, shame, and compulsion.
One of you knew that, one of you didn’t.
That kind of relationship must die with the disclosure.
Your new commitment to respect and transparency means you will do what it takes to secure your future. Your relationship can recover if you dedicate yourselves to honoring each other’s efforts, exercising forgiveness, and establishing a track record of trustworthy behavior.
Recovery is a tough road.
Some experts believe relationship recovery may take 3 to 5 years following disclosure.
Still, you can do it if you remain committed to reclaiming the character and integrity of your connection.
With help, you can place your relationship on a surer foundation.
One that was carefully reconstructed without secrets and shame.
