The cravings rule.
Drugs, alcohol, illicit sexual activity, gambling, or whatever an addict craves, simply smothers thoughts of other people and their needs.
A life driven by addiction is characterized by dishonesty and destructive behavior that far outweighs any capacity to be other-oriented. No person, goal, value, or emotion overrides the pursuit of the high.
Addiction kills understanding. It steamrolls empathy.
It’s no wonder then, that the ability to relate to loved ones, friends, and coworkers is compromised. An addict truly believes what they are experiencing is all about them. They do not identify with the discomfort and pain of those around them, all they see is their own interests, suffering, and want.
If empathy can’t survive when a person’s whole emotional being is invested in and dominated by dependence, what can be done to reintroduce it for the sake of a life beyond addiction?
Research clearly indicates that the capacity to empathize is vital for addiction recovery. Restoring that lost ability to relate and identify with others, especially those who care most about him or her, makes all the difference. Empathy is an essential, basic part of relationship building. Once it is overwhelmed by addiction, a significant amount of focus during recovery must be directed toward rebuilding an addict’s capacity for empathy. Group therapy is an important part of empathy building for addicts.
Building empathy through community: Group therapy is essential to long-term success. Intentional time with other people is the only way to obtain and relearn empathy and lasting connection. Empathy is not just acknowledging another person’s feelings but actually sharing those feelings. To obtain and apply the skill of sincerely caring about others again, regular contact is a must. Otherwise, the addict slips back into the self-absorption that feeds the addiction and isolation.
Writer Roman Krznaric, author of The Six Habits of Highly Empathic People, notes empathy is built by an enhanced ability to engage “outrospection,” or an awareness of others, rather than constant introspection and self concern. By reawakening a desire to “nurture curiosity,” addicts rediscover the value and importance of other people’s lives and begin to broaden their perspectives and sensitivity again.
Building empathy through humility and honesty: Stories and sharing are a first step toward empathetic understanding. Group therapy offers the chance to get real. Addicts eventually come to the place where they hear, see, and share the ravages of their addiction experience. They get honest and the honesty begins to stimulate interest and understanding in others.
Over time, routine opportunities to hear the hard tales of other addicts helps remove the emotional barriers that separate the addict from their peers or community. Soon they are able to challenge the idea that the addictive craving is all there is. Listening to other people and the deep losses created by addiction begins a process of awareness outside an addict’s own inner world.
Empathy building begins in earnest as group members connect and initiate cycles of feedback and support. An individualistic addict begins to see that he or she is not alone in the suffering and starts to view him or herself as part of a unit with a story to tell and something genuinely relational to offer as a compassionate listener.
Building empathy through accountability: Group work reestablishes that sense of consideration and connection that will help mitigate poor decision making. The connections built are not based on sympathy or pity, but a deep sense of knowing what the others in the group are dealing with. That quality of interaction fosters a deeper desire to honor the trust and support the group’s members have invested in each other. Having walked in each other’s shoes — emotionally and relationally — addicts lay the groundwork together that fosters empathy for family, friends, and, eventually, their homes and communities.
Empathy for addicts is vital. Building empathy helps forge self-forgiveness and forgiveness of others and hope for a life beyond addiction. Empathy is built through humility not humiliation. Space is made for mutual compassion and a greater sense of purpose.
The addict learns to take responsibility for his or her actions and the emotional turmoil created through group therapy and community participation. He or she can begin a process of recovery that reinforces belonging and that truth that keeps us mentally and emotionally healthy…
We are all in this together and no one can afford to go it alone.
