Maybe you’ve been dating for a while, and your love interest breaks the news before things get too serious. Or maybe you find out through public notices in the paper or state registries. Whatever the case, you might feel angry, scared, confused – or all of the above.
But you can turn your world upright again. Here are 7 things to know if someone you love is a convicted sex offender.
1. Sex offenders are people, too
Everyone has a dark side. No, we’re not excusing a crime here, we’re finding common ground. Convicted sex offenders are people, too, with their own struggles and addictions.
The point is, try to hear your loved one out.
2. The term “sex offender” is highly charged and often misinterpreted
Most people hear “sex offender” and think of rape, child molestation, or pedophilia. But sex offenders aren’t always guilty of those offenses. For example, depending on the state, the following acts could land you on a sex offender registry:
Indecent exposure
Prostitution
“Peeping”
Child pornography
Unfortunately, sex offender lists don’t do a good job of distinguishing between relatively harmless people and truly dangerous people. Conviction doesn’t necessarily make your loved one a terrible person.
3. Many sex offenders never recidivate
Reoffenses happen, and according to the Department of Justice, criminal reoffense rates skew low due to underreporting. However, research still suggests that the majority of convicted sex offenders never reoffend. And those who do are much more likely to commit non-sexual than sexual crimes.
4. Being an RSO doesn’t automatically make your loved one a suspect
Registered sex offenders aren’t necessarily who we should worry about.
In 2014, the California Sex Offender Management Board recommended paring down the state registry, noting among other statistics that “first-time offenders and other persons whose names are not on the registry are responsible for 95% of solved sex crimes.”
And according to Cynthia Mercado, a psychology professor at John Jay College of Criminal Justice, most sex crimes “are committed by someone known to the victim or their family” – not by strangers listed on the registry.
5. After prison, sex offenders face a whole new world of imprisonment
Sex offenders serve a sentence outside prison walls, too. Their life involves strict parole restrictions spanning everything from occupation options to daily living arrangements. Furthermore, offenders often end up with a lifetime listing on the registry – with no official forgiveness, ever.
6. Most sex offenders just want a second chance
There are numerous stories of people who messed up, served their sentences, and try to make things right. Yet, they continue to live with the stigma. This scenario is all too common for sex offenders.
Most people convicted of sexual offense just want another shot at life. Yet they can’t get footing because of a broken system and a society that expects them to pay for their sins forever. From allegations to investigation to jail time to the registry, the entire process often ruins a convicted sex offender’s life.
But your support can provide hope for the future – if you’re willing to give them a chance.
7. Therapy is available
Encourage professional help for sex addiction, depression, anxiety, or however your loved one struggles. With proper therapy, they can learn to control their thoughts and behaviors going forward.
Finally, there’s no question, finding out a loved one is a convicted sex offender is difficult. But there are helpful things to know before you make your final judgment. As challenging as it might sound, you can be the bright spot in your loved one’s life. You might just make the world a better, safer place in the process.
