Especially if you suspect that the addiction claim is just a way to excuse his or her deception.

Is there any way to know if the cheating behavior is really a symptom of some deeper psychological issue? Is this just a “easier” way for your unfaithful partner to diffuse consequences, and deflect attention away from personal responsibility?

Learn the distinguishing behavior of  a sex addict.

An addict’s relationship to sex is distinctly different from non-addicted, egocentric cheating behaviors.

• The genuine sex addict uses sex to soothe. He or she will use sex acts as coping mechanisms to deal with the things, situations, worries, or people that feel uncomfortable. Sex is an escape, and it is all important.

Conversely, someone who is perpetually unfaithful tends to use sex to self-indulge, or as a means of manipulating others, rather than to feed a deep compulsion. He or she might claim sex addiction simply to create the idea that he or she can’t help cheating, and delay making real, inconvenient relationship changes.

• The genuine sex addict will rationalize and lie to themselves, as much as others. Sex addicts don’t want to accept that they are addicts. They will do whatever they can to explain away their behavior.

Paradoxically, a serial cheater will claim sex addiction as a part of their identity to mitigate the consequences of his or her behavior. A true sexual addict likely wouldn’t be so quick to identify with the condition.

• The genuine sex addict often exhibits signs of comorbidity, or co-occurring addiction. Sex and drugs, or sex and alcohol, often go together as a coordinated high.

The serial cheater generally does not exhibit other addictions. The sex-addict label is claimed because he or she in self-indulgent, but only up to the point that it serves his or her own purpose. His or her most harmful habits are likely cheating and lying; even cheating the truth when it comes to claiming the sex addict diagnosis.

• The genuine sex addict obsesses, fixates, and objectifies. It is often obvious and inappropriate. It is hard for a sexual addict to hide his or her propensity. Sexual conversation, off-color jokes, sexually-charged innuendo and commentary come up strangely, and too often, in social situations. He or she may try to connect with potential partners by sexually sizing them up, flirting shamelessly, or acting in a sexually predatory way.

This isn’t the MO of a serial cheater. He or she hides the cheating behavior well. Most cheating partners are invested in filling their own emotional needs through sexual relationships characterized by self-concern, not compulsive sexual release.

Here’s what it really comes down to:

Serial cheaters are usually primarily focused on their own self-interests rather than sex.

Sex just meets a need for self-gratification.

False sexual addiction claims by a cheater simply allow him or her to do several things:

1. Manipulate the consequences of his or her own actions, and temper negative or inconvenient blowback.
2. Validate the betrayal in a way; making it less a moral issue, relational failing, or character flaw and more a psychological sickness, in need of treatment and sympathy.
3. Alleviate guilt and a true sense of responsibility to his or her relationship partner.

Look closely at your partner’s behavior, read the signs and be honest with yourself. Whatever the determination, seek help from an experienced professional, and support from people who have your best interests at heart.