Your partner is getting help. You are starting to hope.
The road to recovery has begun.
As you move forward, you want to be encouraging and supportive.
You really want to be there for your partner.
What can you do?
Try the following strategies:
- Set boundaries. Don’t get so wrapped up in the idea of being there that you assume responsibility for your partner’s recovery. His decisions are now, and always have been, his own. His successful or failed recovery is his own as well. You are only in charge of setting your own boundaries and offering loving encouragement, positive support, and accountability in ways that are right for you.
- Increase your working knowledge. You are always at an advantage, with any chronic problem, if you do your homework. Knowing what you’re working with or against is key to facing the problem appropriately. Increased knowledge may also help open your mind as the challenges of your partner’s treatment become clear. You may find you are more understanding, empowered, and capable of managing the situation–and your emotions–effectively.
- Ask questions. To demonstrate you care, simply ask your partner what is going on, how she is managing, and what feelings are most difficult. Let your partner know that you are aware and willing to be engaged. It may go a long way for her to know she is not alone, isolated, or rejected. Let your partner know that hearing her challenges and victories is important to you. Reiterate that, either way, you’re in her corner.
- Keep accountability a priority. Your partner has struggled with being truthful, authentic, and responsible. Recovery is a big deal because it deals with deep behavioral change. You support this change by encouraging your spouse with an expectation of transparency. He doesn’t need you to enable secrecy. Ask for the passwords and hidden files, show your spouse that there won’t be places to hide the addiction anymore.
- Communicate purposefully, positively, and productively. Your communication skills will be taxed throughout the recovery process. Emotions will rise and fall. Recovery and healing will seem possible one day and completely out of reach on others. To be supportive, you’ll need to employ equal amounts of self-control and a strong will to actually engage rather than vent or control. Accentuate the positive. It will keep you and your partner goal-focused. Your partner really needs to hear that things really are looking up.
- Keep a counselor close. Recovery must occur in three areas for couples dealing with sex addiction. The addict, the partner, and the relationship. Each area requires good counsel. The addict receives intensive individual help in recovery. This leaves two crucial counseling needs:
1. Helping yourself. But not by yourself. An experienced professional can help you navigate the pain you’re in. He or she can help you uncover and unload the baggage you may feel saddled with. Counseling can help provide a strong sense of yourself, self-worth, and forgiveness that will give you the ability to remain strong and be genuinely supportive.
2. Restoring the relationship. Your relationship faltered because sex addiction ate away at its foundations for too long. You need a better, surer structure to serve you and your partner now. To build a better life together, enlist a therapist who understands your deep need to rebuild trust, intimacy, and respect.
With support, you can be there for your partner the way you want to be.
There is hope.
The road to recovery has begun.
